As much as I write about my retirement date being seven months away, it doesn’t seem real most days.

For 30 years, life has centered upon work. It’s a very important piece of my day-to-day, and all other aspects of life fit in around work. This is 30 years of training. Ninety-nine percent of my brain just assumes work has to happen. It’s like Pavlov’s dog, trained to go to work without thought.

My writing represents the other one percent. It is shouting from the rooftops for attention from the 99%. It’s very easy for the 99% to just trudge along, not paying attention. The 1% is shouting into a windstorm where no one can hear it. The 30-year training is hard to fight.

I heard the voice of the 1% this morning. It became more serious. Fear crept in. Am I really going to retire? Can I retire with a kid in Grade 9? Can I retire three to five years before my wife? What will I do all day? Fear crept in hard.

It is getting more real. The 1% has been screaming for attention, and the 99% has taken notice.

There is a positive side to this fear. None of the questions that came up were about money. For me, it’s always been about money, but it didn’t cross my mind. It’s a sign that the money part is fading to a second or third level of concern.

But holy crap, seven months is not long.

I don’t hate work. There are good days, bad days, and lots of in-betweens. But there is no love for it. I am trading my days for money. That’s it.

For my own frame of reference, I always try to think back to the carefree days of University when considering life. If I were in my early 20s, would I do what I am doing at work if I had a choice? The answer is always no.

The problem comes after “no.” Great, what do you want to do? The answer is always, “I don’t know.” I have always struggled with this question. Work has made it easy to ignore. This question can lead to the dark side if I think too much about it.

The intent of my retirement is to look for the answer—for the “love,” for the passion, for the joie de vie. Something that makes me get up and get at it. That I can’t wait to do every day. I genuinely think I haven’t had that answer at any time in my life. Nothing that resonates strongly. So, the job in retirement, in my mind, is to find the answer.

One of my favorite expressions is, “If not now, then when?” This struggle to find the “next” thing in life is going to happen. I do not want to be that guy who works until 75 at the same old, same old. I know that I will struggle to find the next thing, but I also know I need the time to explore. Work just takes up too much time and mental energy to explore.

There are bonus points if, in this exploration, I can build better relationships with my kids. Maybe to try launching their own small summer business? There are not many years left before they fly the coop. The best time to build the relationship is before they leave. “If not now, then when?” gets a lot more serious if I add the spending time with my kids filter.

The nest egg is intended to let me be free from needing to work. To be free to explore outside the nest. To fly. The nest egg is my security blanket.

The training of 30 years is real. It is holding me back. Changing routines is scary. It scared me this morning. I am taking that as a good sign—that this retirement thing is getting serious.

---

🚀 Checklist for Lift-Off This Month

Let’s go over the checklist for lift-off this month to see how I am doing on the system side:

• Spouse on board: B – No progress here, as Padme has been working nonstop day and night. Even a weekend away for the two of us ended up her being in conference calls every waking moment. Padme is being pushed to the edge at work. The seed of her retirement is being planted.
• Physical Fitness: F – Totally off—Not one time to a gym in 30 days. This is a biggie. We all know what to do but it is hard to get started.
• Hobbies 1 (Writing): B+ – Wrote 11 articles or drafts in 30 days, so an A there. Writing is less fun when you start editing.
• Hobbies 2 (No change): F – No change from last month . Writing is taking up too much space
• Social Life: B – A few more outings this month. Some revelations in my own mind on moving forward (maybe a mastermind group). Will see if I follow through.
• Health: D – Doctor appointment made for physio
• Stop Social Media habit: F Still rabbit-holing on the internet for no reason several hours a day.
• Proactive Plans with kids: D- Get closer to my kids and do one-on-one activities while they are still in the house.
• Connect with a Tribe (Financial Independence – FI):C – This falls a bit into Social. Will try to flesh out a few connections on the FI side.
• Money:B+ The market is starting to come back to me. Looking at adding some dividend stocks as a first part of my income plan in retirement. Will see if I get enough homework done and conviction to move forward.
• Overall Grade: D

Until I get the fitness turned around as a base for everything moving forward, this won’t change. I need a system and to prioritize this to feel better about where I am going.

Until next month. I will try harder