Where am I  on my FIRE journey?  I have to say I likely have enough financially. To be honest the number has been hit, moved, and soon to be hit again.  I struggle with the security of it and the fact that although I am likely financially free I have a younger family.  I can’t decide to disappear for a week just because I want to.  I might be financially independent but I am definitely not independent at this stage of my life.  

When I first read about FIRE I have always focused more on the RE part as an escape.  A Plan B.  It was never about the FI.

 For me it was about retiring early to leave a career that was always on edge. I started work in 1994 at the start of the high tech craze. The industry started to decline in 2000 and crashed on 9/11 when all venture capital dried up. For the rest of the 2000s my industry always seemed to be one bad quarter away from me needing to get a new job. So saving money was a necessity. 

Over the last few years my focus has shifted to more of the F.I. side as my “number” has suddenly gotten close. It has got real. I needed to figure out what I would do.

 I tried to “retire early” when I was laid off with a nice severance package a few months ago.  Losing the job was not a surprise but it was still a shock. Work had slowed way down and I was on the wrong side of some company politics.  So for a few months I “Pretend” retired.  I’m 52 so I don’t know if that is quite what I would call an early retirement.

In the end I was not ready emotionally to be done with work. I wanted it to be my decision to retire, not someone else’s.  Losing my job felt like losing the game in some way. 

 I have never really thought about what retirement means to me so as I get close it gets scary.  For me retirement is a light at the end of the tunnel and we don’t know what is on the other side.

There is no one size fits all answer to know it’s time to retire.  Knowing you have enough saved is only one aspect.  Everyone has to figure out what to do with their time, how they will enjoy it, and how they will fill their day.  If post reaching my number my day calendar is filled with blanks then I will struggle.

For now, the Dark side of work pulled me back in.  The allure of wanting more, saving more, got to me.  It happened when I had a few big bills show up after I thought I was retired.   The Death Star needed some new cupboards and some redecorating.  The little JEDIs / SITHs needed their teeth straightened / sharpened. The Tie fighter needed a new engine.  In came the bills.

Time to get off the couch and restrike the Imperial March music to pay for the above.    Did I need to go back working for the empire to pay for this? No I had enough but the internal mental struggle continues.

 I struggle with leaving the Dark side called work.  I struggle with having enough to join Light Side called retirement. Tune in to see how it runs out.